Face off
2002 04 09
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When I think of hockey, I am reminded of two things: a cartoon called "The Sweater" (a National Film Board of Canada standard favourite, in which a young boy - a Habs fan - is given a Maple Leafs jersey by his mother), and grade eight English classes.
I don't recall being much of a student in grade school, but ultimately I won the English award when I graduated from grade eight. It was a mystery to me why I received the award, and if I'd been more on the ball at the time I might have asked about it. As it was, I later came to think it was because of something I'd done totally by accident - sort of.
Our text for language arts - for it wasn't called English class anymore - was just that, a book entitled something like Spelling and Language Arts. Each section of the book had a word or phrase list at the end of it, from which we were to choose one, and write a short paragraph using that word or phrase.
The end of the week came, and I looked over the word list for the chapter, and immediately lit upon the expression "face-off". I went home, dutifully wrote up my clever little piece, and brought it back to class Monday morning as we were all supposed to.
Part of the classroom ritual was for the teacher to pick volunteers to read what they'd written aloud. Now, this was something I'd never volunteered for previously, because I was a very shy little being back then. This time, I bravely raised my hand, was chosen, and as I began to read I found myself facing a classroom full of giggling 12 and 13-year-olds.
Was I embarrassed? You bet. I turned a shade of red only slightly less bright than oxygenated blood. I had no idea why they were laughing, or even at what. I knew my writing hadn't been that bad. I wasn't a very confident person, but I still knew.
After I'd squeakily finished reading aloud, for all the clever cheer I'd earlier felt had oozed out the bottom of my feet by this time, the teacher explained to me what I'd done . . . wrong. Wrong, though, is a matter of interpretation, as you'll soon see. In fact, interpretation was precisely what had set the classroom into a fit of giggles.
When I saw the expression "face-off" in my text, I didn't think of hockey. In fact, hockey never entered my mind until I'd finished reading my piece aloud. I'd taken the phrase literally; so my piece was a very detailed account of how a person could remove their face. I do believe it included something about unscrewing the ears, as well.
I think they must have given me extra points for my unintentional ingenuity, and maybe a bit more credit than I deserved. However, I wish I still had that piece. I'd love to see, now, what I'd written then. I do still have the award, and every once in a while I take it out and actually hang it up, right next to a placemat depicting the schooner Bluenose II.