Dear Quizno's,

I and several of my friends would like to request that you cease and desist in using Don Cherry as your spokesperson for your advertising. We find him not only offensive, but his voice grates in a way that can only be described as a rusty razorblade version of Homer Simpson.

We cringe whenever we hear one of his ads on the radio, and are fully convinced that those ads alone will be responsible for divesting us of our last shreds of sanity.

In choosing Mr. Cherry for your advertising you made a grave error in judgement. If your intention was to procure the services of a Canadian instituation/legend, you should perhaps have shopped around a little more and found someone who wouldn't drive your potential customer base to a point where they can't, and won't, eat at your restaurants because all they hear in their heads is the nauseating screech of Don Cherry's boring pseudo-bravado.

The man is an itch upon the arse of humanity; he is not funny; he isn't even amusing in any surrealist sense of the term. There are times when bad is amusing, but that honour is reserved for another Canadian we like to call William Shatner - a man who can take bad to a highly refined state and make an art out of it. Perhaps you should hire him instead.

In sum, until such time as Don Cherry is no longer used in your advertising in any way that does not infringe on the ability of our stomachs to hold down our lunches, we will not be purchasing any of your products.

Yours,
The Non-Quizno's-buying Public