Although I've met my father, I've had very little communication with him, and none for a few years now. I'm not even entirely certain where he is.

I do not particularly care if he thinks of me. He was never a part of my life, so not someone I consider in that fashion; but, there are moments I wonder if he considers me. On Father's Day, his birthday, does he have a passing thought regarding me?

I feel silly having these thoughts at my age. It sounds like the ego of youth, something I should long past have let go by the wayside.

. . .

I still sometimes miss my grandfather who raised me, and whom I think of as "father". I hate the way he died. I hate that my anger was the last thing he heard from me.

I try not to think of this much at all, because I really don't like how it makes me feel. It hurts in that slicing, aching way that really gets through your intestines.