2002 07 13

I have often said that I don't have the same boundaries that others have, at least not in the sense of what I consider to be 'too personal to publish'.

Facts are facts. I don't care if people know how old I was when I lost my virginity, or what my feelings are about my family, or even what I ate for lunch last Tuesday. Those bits of info are just bits of info. They don't touch me personally. They are harmless, and can hold no weight against me. I am detached from such things. And that's just it, they are just things.

My boundaries are far more subtle, and in most cases I couldn't describe or define them unless - and until - they are crossed. Sometimes something might hurt me, and at other times that very same thing might have no effect at all. It's a very subjective thing, very mutable, and - as I said - sometimes impossible to pin down.

People are afraid of sharing, and most of the time the fear is groundless. See, with a lot of personal information, if you make it public, if you air it, then it loses its power to hurt or harm you. It's secrets, things hidden from plain sight, that have power over you - because there is the possibility of exposure.

Expose yourself.

And that brings me to one boundary which is easy for me to define.

My personal issues, my personal life, regardless of how much they involve other people, are mine. It angers me greatly when someone airs a personal issue that involves me without asking my permission or warning me beforehand. I don't do it to other people, I've got enough respect for personal things not to. People who drag my "dirty laundry" (for lack of a better expression) out into a public forum without my knowledge, are people with no respect and no honour - either for me, themselves, or the general sense of privacy that every human being is entitled to. Airing someone else's problems for your own gain, because you are angry or upset, or simply because you're a brat, is more than juvenile, more than petty, and more than mean - it's disgusting. You inevitably do nothing but harm yourself when you do this to others, because you invariably make yourself look very bad.