2002 04 11

While it might seem a daunting and fairly useless activity, there's much to be said for the creation of a religion of which you are the object of adoration, or at least the ruling member. You could, for example, use the religion simply as a front to bilk large sums of cash from the more gullible sections of humanity, or, if you're very lucky and collect many followers, you can use their adoration as a constant source for egoboosting. Being the head of a successful religion, faith-practice, or cult, can also be an excellent forum for your megalomania and power-tripping.

The possibilities are endless, and only limited by your imagination and the resources you can usurp for your cause. Although there are many auxilliary resources you could make use of in your new role as a religious leader, the most important tools you'll need are; your imagination, access to some form of mass media, money, a belief system, a headquarters, workers, and, of course, yourself.

Before I explain the importance of the tools listed in the previous paragraph, I'd like to spend some time discussing the more common errors made by those with a god complex and enough wherewithal to make use of it.

The first, and perhaps the most, significant error they make, is in the belief system they choose to espouse or tout. While using one of the more commonly known faith practices is a good place to start, godheads often forget that they're not the only people out there with the same ideas about the same sets of belief systems. So, if you are going to make use of one of those belief systems as a basis for your own, you must approach that idea - and that belief system - uniquely. You will do yourself no favours by doing something the same way everyone else has been doing it. Those methods may work, but they become dull and rote, and often lead to an early onset of boredom.

That said, using something that is too unique carries problems of its own. A system that is too much on the fringe, one that is relatively unknown, will not appeal to as wide a selection of the population as possible. This is no bad thing, but only if you really wish to aim small, or don't want the bureaucracy of dealing with a large organisation. While there is much to be said for the charms of a novel idea, novel ideas often fall flat due to lack of support.

Ultimately, it's up to you which method you choose for your purposes, but my suggestion would be to aim somewhere slightly to the boring side of unique; that is, use a known model, but treat it in a manner it hasn't been treated previously. People like what they know, and you're more likely to gain acceptance and converts if people find something within your system that they can recognise easily.

Earlier I mentioned a list of tools I felt essential to the creation of any new system by which you can subvert the minds of the gullible. Those tools were as follows: your imagination, access to some form of mass media, money, a belief system, a headquarters, workers, and, of course, yourself. I'm going to detail the significance of these tools, though I think many of them may have very obvious importance.

You and your imagination are, of course, the most important tools you have at your disposal. You are, after all, the spearhead of the new religion, and it is from you that all the ideas shall first flow. Without you there is no deity, or leader, for people to allow to lead them around by the nose like a herd of mindless bovine.

In your preparations for godhood, you should include an extremely expansive and broad education. The value of this education is twofold. First, it's a known fact that the more you know, the better off you will be in any given situation. From your education you can gain intimate knowledge of faith practices whose ideals and methods you can subjugate to your own use, and learn the psychology of humans in singular or group forms. Understanding how people work is a key to twisting them to your way of thinking. The pack mentality is a very forceful thing, and being able to use it well and wisely, can gain you more worshippers and more money. That's what you want, after all, more worshippers and more money. There is no sense pretending you're doing this to go broke or remain poor. No one would believe you. The second use of a broad education is for the purposes of debate and argument. The best way to refute, knock down, or argue against another, is by using his own tools against him. If you have a detailed understanding of as many faith practices as possible, you will have a better chance of, succicntly and elequently, telling your detractors where they can go, what they can do, and how they can stuff themselves when they get there. Remember, being able to undermine your opposition and competition is key to a stronger force for your side. You needn't look too far for examples of how truthful that is, as a close examination of your calendar's list of holidays - and a copy of a good book on comparitive religions - will tell you.

The next most important aspect to establishing your faith practice is, obviously, the faith practice itself. Certainly you're there to be revered, but you need a coda, a system of rules, a set of beliefs, possibly some ceremonites, and some kind of text. Without your detailed system people will say, "Sure I can believe in you, but why?" People need to know why. If you have to create a completely fictious life full of story, song, deed, and derringdo, so be it; for without it you have nothing to point to as an example of your specialness. Your charisma, as I'm certain you must have some, can only carry you so far. As with other aspects of your religion, you can look to already established religions for examples of material you can use to create myth, stories of holy works, commandments, and even a bible, so that your new religion has some pith to it.

The next most important tool are workers. As capable of a god as you will no doubt be, you will still want and require help; if for no other reason than that a god should never have to soil him or herself with mundane human chores that are obviously beneath them. Also, depending on the size your organisation may grow to, you may require a large workforce in order to administer your vast network of workers, usurpers, and stooges. Never, never forget the host of problems that a bureaucracy can be.

Your workers are important for another reason as well, for it is from them you will cull your hierarchy. A hierarchy is key to forming many types of faith practices and religions, for it gives people something to aspire to and work towards. You'd be amazed at the amount of boot-licking and servitude you'll get from people who think you'll eventually name one of them your successor. The inner corps also serves the function of being a barrier between you and the drones who are pouring millions into your secret numbered bank accounts, and a lot of sycophantish praise into your egocentric self. These people are paramount, for it is to them you can "pass the buck" when you don't feel like doing something yourself, and upon them you can lay blame when something goes awry. Their usefulness is almost as boundless as the religion itself. Also, it's handy to have someone around you can use "as an example" in order to keep the more outspoken of your followers in line.

You'll now need a place to put these people to work, a hub for your network, and a place to erect your opulent shrine and living quarters. This brings us to the next most significant tool, a headquarters. No matter what size you start at, always make sure there's room for expansion. Lots of land can work for you in two ways: give you the room for further needed expansion, and make you look aloof, mysterious, and untouchable, by being so far back from the street that people are daunted by the distance. Your home and headquarters can be as modest or as opulent as you wish them to be, as each approach carries its own merits. When one chooses a modest dwelling, one appears to the outside world as thrifty, modest, hard-working, and even honest. This modest exterior can, of course, hide the most grotesque luxuries you care to dream up. The opulent approach carries the aura of awe with it, so that people feel nervous and daunted in your presence - whether you're daunting or not. They will be struck dumb by the riches you display before them; however, too much up front opulence makes people feel that you're using them just for their cash, and they may not continue to trust you, or fund you. You are obviously doing just that, using them for money, but what they don't know won't hurt them. It's my suggestion, then, that you choose a modest approach, one that more people will recognise as being human.

In order to fund your operation you will need money. How you get your starting capital is up to you, but a good place to start is a false telemarketing scheme you can use to fraudulently suck money from anyone stupid enough to buy into whatever scheme it is you're trying to seel them that day. In order to do this as successfully as possible, make sure you purchase a post office box. A post office box, while not un-traceable, is a lot safer a route than your current residence; it even makes people believe you're more businesslike.

The last item on our list of important tooks, is access to some form of mass media. The need for, and value of, this, is fairly selfevident. You need to spread the word. You can start small if you wish, by the creation of a website and purchase of ad-space in the local newspaper, but eventually you'll wish to expand to radio ads, television infomercials and programs, radio spots, and even billboards. You may even wish to print the bible you've been dictating to your lackeys. A hardbound text of some kind, is an excellent way to spread the word and keep the word going; it also provides people with a sense of comfort and ease if they have a symbol of your faith that they can hold in their hands, carry with them in times of need for inspiration, and a conversation piece for their next livingroom coffee party. Never underestimate the power of the written word, even in this technological age.

Any tools you wish to utilise outside of those suggested above are, of course, completely up to you. Just make sure you investigate their feasibility in as much detail as you can, and do choose wisely.

The order in which you perform the steps necessary to create a flourishing faith, is somewhat flexible, but first and foremost is setting down a solid belief system, and finding a base of operations.

It may be tough going at first, but most things of value tend to start out that way. As dark and twisty as the road ahead may be, always persevere. Keep faith in yourself and the value of your faith, and the veracity of your beliefs. Don't forget the most important rule of all; you are right.