2006 06 12

I was feeling quite fine a few moments ago, contented enough with my day, pleased with progress educationally, decent books to read, good information to occupy my brain, and friends to make my time worthy. Then, all of a sudden, a disappointment socks me in the gut, a realisation (with some proof which I'd prefer never to relate) that a stream of less than savoury people will continue to pass in and out of my existence.

I know this. I accept this. But there are times I like to believe better of people than they later show themselves to be. I include myself in this grouping. I am no more perfected, free, or clear than the next. That said, though, I don't believe it is in any way necessary to use people to serve you; serve your lacks, serve your emptinesses, serve your needs and desires with only the merest pretense that you are serving anything for them in return, especially not when it is sugary-coated with a layer of fine wrapping which belies its true nature.

It is okay to use people to serve you, so long as they're aware of it, and amenable to being so used. It is not okay, however, to use people up like cordwood or a set of dominoes, knocking one over, then another, ad infinitum/nauseum as you grow bored, or finish supping their inner marrow.

I find this particular style of vampirism sad. Those who avail themselves of others as if humanity were an emotional salad bar, where you take little bits from each station until you get the right combo on your plate, are a tragic lot. I know some who know what they are, and own to it; and I know some who like to think no one can discern what they are, and who never own to it - not even to themselves.

I don't know where to go from here, with this. I don't really have anything more specific to say, or that I can say. I'm just saddened, is all.

. . .

I don't believe altruism exists, by the way.